One of the reasons i started this blog was to give people an inside view of rv living, what its like, how its done, and the ups and downs. The other reason I started this blog was to start writing again. I have always believed that my gift in this life is the ability to write in such a way that it can inspire others. I want to use my gift.
I have spent a good portion of my adult life trying to fit in and trying to maintain an image. I'm not really sure why. I don't think that I'm easily influenced by others, although I do believe that I have the ability to influence other people. I am a leader, I have a strong personality, and I also believe that is a gift.
I have grown and changed and really examined my heart over the past couple of years. I decided that i want to live life unapologetically and without a desire to maintain an image, impress anyone, or measure up. I don't have to earn love. I derserved to be loved for who I am. I don't have to earn salvation. It was free!
I have spent too many years hiding behind religion and/or popularity to really get to know myself. During those years I discovered a lot about who I am not. I have sat next to so many "good church people" who assume I have the same worldview that they do while they gossip, ridicule, and look down on anyone who is different, anyone who has less money, anyone who stands out, has a different religion, or sexual orientation..... and also their own brothers and sisters going through a hard time who made mistakes. I have watched church split after church split. My heart has ached for the pain the church has inflicted on so many good, kind people, who were looking for love and acceptance. I have also met amazing church people who inspire me, help me retain my faith during times of doubt, and who love so big, without judgement.... you can see God shining right through them. Obviously I am aiming to be like the latter of the two.
I have spent time with the high school mean girls who grew up to be middle aged mean women. You know the ones..... with the perfect family, the money, looks, and attitude to go with it. I discovered their secrets and broken lives underneath the image. My heart aches for them too. I watch them day in and day out putting on a show, in hopes of impressing people and making other people feel less than. In reality, no one would envy them if they saw the horror underneath, or knew the truth about their weekend escapades.
Life is hard and so many people are unable to talk about difficult issues. People want to conform to societal expectations because if they stand out.... they will be beaten down by the hateful church people, and the other people maintaining perfect images. I have fought so very hard the past couple of years to really find myself, and to be my real self despite other peoples expectations or judgement. Its hard, but i have never felt more free and happy. I have friends now who have several different religions, and some with no religion at all. I have had my cards read. Whoa! I have opened my heart and my mind to people who live and believe differently than i do. I have the best group of friends now that I have ever had in my entire life. I have an unconventional family. I live an unconventional life. I decided to start sharing that because i know that every time someone decides to be courageously themselves.... they give other people the courage to do that too.
I am over pretending and impressing. It is exhausting and it was killing my soul. I'm happy, in love, and living my best life! I pray you all find the courage to do the same.... and if you need a tribe to belong to, I'm your people!