The day I came out was a frighteningly public event for everyone, not just for me. My partners and I had been talking about how to come out with our relationship for a long time and while they were more than ready, I just wasn’t. They were waiting for me to be comfortable enough to speak my truth in the way that was best for me. And one night, I was ready. I knew if I over-thought it, I would lose my nerve, so I held my breath, got on social media, and jumped in with both feet! It was National Coming Out Day and not only was I coming out as bisexual, I was revealing to the world that I was also in a polyamorous relationship. Talk about pressure! The bisexual part was hard enough, but it was the polyamory that scared me the most. Both my husband and my girlfriend wanted us to stop hiding, so I knew it was time to get it together and start writing. That day, I sat down, opened up Facebook, and bared my soul.
Of course, it wasn’t just my soul on display. My partners were in this just as much as I was. We had stayed quiet because of my fears and while I appreciated their patience with me, I knew I would have to open up eventually. The part that worried me more than anything was how others would treat my girlfriend. Despite already coming out as a lesbian, Codi couldn’t tell anyone that she was in a relationship, much less the fact that she was in love with what the public would see as a “married woman.” People already suspected I was having an affair because we were still in the closet about everything. Codi confessed to me that all of this weighed heavily on her, so that’s what pushed me into finally speaking out about the whole thing.
My partners had a wonderful attitude about everything from the start. My husband said, “people are going to gossip anyway, but today, you took away their power!” Codi even updated her status on social media so that everyone knew we were together. Then, she kissed my in my front yard while several of our neighbors watched. My heart was soaring! This was the freedom we had all dreamed of!
Still, it wasn’t all unicorns and sunshine. Codi was more than supportive, but she seemed anxious and upset. We sat down to talk about it and she told me that she was shocked by the public reaction. I didn’t really understand. It was 95% positive, so what could be wrong? It turned out that the new reaction wasn’t the problem. All of this had stirred up some old feelings from the first time she came out almost 20 years ago. Back then, the culture of the world was different. People weren’t nearly as accepting as they are now. A combination of living in the Deep South and backward thinking had led to a pretty negative reception for Codi. While she was happy that things were going well for us, some old wounds were still sensitive and it brought back the pain of her first experience.
But this time, it would be different. Through reassurance and the support of a loving family, Codi’s perspective started to shift. Watching her realize that people were on her side, that Justin and I were on her side, was one of the most amazing things I’ve had the pleasure of sharing in our relationship. Now, the wounds could truly heal the way they were meant to. Knowing that I could help her in some small way made my bond with her even stronger. And now, I regret nothing.