Everyone's talking about love today.... so naturally I wanna talk about mental illness
I have borderline personality disorder, and I have no shame about that. Mental illness is like any other illness, in that.... you can't help it. You can only treat it. You wouldn't be ashamed of having cancer. You shouldn't be ashamed of having a mental illness.
Okay, mental illness and love...... borderlines love so strongly! We are exceptionally resilient, deeply empathetic, and perceptive. We channel our pain into art, and we see beauty in everything! I think I look for the magic in everything. Princess Diana was a positive example of borderline personality disorder.
When we're hurt though.... we feel the pain so intensely that it's almost unbearable. Something that eventually happens to me (and many others with bpd) is a complete disconnect from the person or experience causing the pain. Maybe it's a coping mechanism.... but it feels like a light switch for me. My whole world is lit up with love, and them bam! I feel absolutely nothing. I think it's a blessing and a curse.
The opposite of love for me isn't hate. It's nothing. It's complete and total indifference. I'm not actually heartless, I just lose all ability to care after I'm hurt very badly. I'm thankful for that quality sometimes. I think it's part of the reason I'm so resilient.
Love is magical, mystical, and worth celebrating everyday! I love big... I mean hello... I'm polyamorous lol! But the loss of love can be painful and crushing. Today I almost feel lucky to sit in a place of total indifference over lost love, but it took some time before the light switch flipped off for me.
For those of you who are hurting today.... I see you. You might not have the same light switch effect that I have, but it won't always hurt so bad. I hope you're strong enough to love again. It's worth it! Love is everything, and it always wins.